Dealing With My Grief

Dealing with grief, one day at a time.

This site and associated podcast is a first person narrative describing how I deal with death, grief and bereavement.

Episode 26 - Grief and Celebrating Life

August 06, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

It's important do something to honor the life of your loved one.

There was no episode last week as I'm just returning from being with family after losing an uncle a couple of weeks ago.

Rest In Peace, Uncle Luther.

In remembering the live's of my father and my uncle, I sometimes realize that I shy away from things that we used to do together, because... well we can no longer do them together!

I've changed my attitude, however. I will embrace the things we did together. My uncle like going to the race track, my father like taking long drives. I am going to attempt to do both of these things more ofteen.

This week's call to action - Do something to honor your loved one's memory. Plant a tree, start a foundation, donate to a charity. go camping... but do something!

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 25 - Preparing for Grief

July 20, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

There is never enough time to prepare for someone's death.

This episode is dedicated to my Uncle Luther who passed away on July 17, 2016.

After learning my uncle had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I had the opportunity to spend a few days with him a couple of weeks ago. We took a trip down memory lane and I'll share a few memories in this episode.

Even though I knew the time would come, I wasn't mentally prepared deal with his death. It's only been 3 days, and I miss him already. His funereal will be the first time I've seen many family members in several years - too many years

This week's call to action - find someone that you haven seen or spoken to in a while and catch up. Don't make your loved one's funeral your next family reunion.

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 24 - Grief and Listening

July 13, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Speaking about your grief is important, but so is listening

This episode is inspired by 3 events that have occurred in the since last week's show:
- The shooting of Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge, LA
- The shooting of Philandro Castile in Falcon Heights, MN
- The subsequent shooting of 11 police officers in Dallas

I was reluctant to talk about my story of grief because I didn't want to listen to others talk about theirs. I would compare the two and not give any credibility to your grief if your loved one didn't meet some violent end. Simply put, your narrative wasn't the same as mine, so it couldn't be real.

I believer the same holds true for the events of the past week. There is a divide in the U.S. between people who believe police are doing their job and those who feel the police are racist or unfairly treating the very citizens they are supposed to protect.

We need to listen to each other and UNDERSTAND what the other side is saying. Only then will we begin the healing process.

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 23 - Suppressing Grief

July 06, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble.
- Molière

Suppress grief only hinders the recovery process

The whole reason behind this podcast is the tell my story of how I deal with death, loss, grief and bereavement; specifically the loss of my father when I was still a young child.

It is my way of letting go of the things that I had bottled up for so long. But why did I wait so long to get this burden of of my chest?

1. I felt that I would be a burden to others who were also dealing with my fathers' loss.
2. Real men don't cry!
3. I was following the lead of others
4. I didn't want professional help
5. No one would listen to me.

I encourage everyone to find someone to talk to about their grief. A priest, rabbi, or whoever the leader of your faith based community might be. A grief counselor or support group. Whatever you do, don't keep it bottled up. It only makes it worse over time.

Episode 22 - Grief and the New Normal

June 29, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

If it exists, it's a moving target

When people talk about the "new normal"during the grieving process, they talk about the the person that you become after the loss of someone special in your life. But it this "new" you really ever going to be normal?

This episode is inspired by Dave Jackson of the "School of Podcasting." Dave's podcast helped me get my podcaast. One of the segment of his show is called 'Because of my Podcast', where different podcast producers share stories of how podcasting has changed their lives. This week, Dave featured my podcast on his show. Here is a link to his blog post discussing my show.

During an email conversation with Dave, he discusses getting to the "new normal" in his life.for me, I think the new normal comes in stages:

- The old normal - That which was normal before my grief
- The fractured normal - Some of the things in my life remained normal, but they
startto feel strange .
- The new normal - The strange and weirdness are no longer strange and weird

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 21 - Grief and Anger

June 22, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Sometimes dealing with my grief makes me outright furious!

As I reflect on Father's day, there are a few things that make me angry about my father's loss:

1. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

2. I didn't get a chance to "hang out" at father-son event's during high school

3. My son will never have a relationship with his grandfather

4. I simply didn't have enough time of my own with my father.

I'm still trying to deal with these angry feelings i Have, but I haven't really discovered the best way to do so.

Ways to subscribe to Dealing With My Grief:

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 20 - Grief and Special Occasions

June 15, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

There was no episode last week.

I had an emergency eye procedure that Monday - the regular day I record the show and Tuesday was my son's high school graduation. With family in town and trying to recover health wise. I just couldn't find/make time to record the show.

Now on the this week's episode...

As mentioned earlier, my son graduated from high school this week and this Sunday is Father's Day (June 19th). I wanted to reflect on how my grief affects my ability to appreciate/celebrate holidays and life's milestones.

Ways to subscribe to Dealing With My Grief:

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 19 - Grief and the Things We Say

June 02, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Sometimes words don't have the intended meaning.

How do we interpret things people say while grieving?

To grievers, a lot of things that people say to be comforting may not be comforting at all:

"I'm sorry for your loss"
"Your loved one is in a better place"

But as grievers, is there anything that we say, that can seem insensitive?

Ways to subscribe to Dealing With My Grief:

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 18 - The Only Cure for Grief...

May 25, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

... is action

The only cure for grief is action
- George Henry Lewes

This is really the third in a series of episodes that discusses this topic. I was just able to find a quote that perfectly sums it up! The other episodes are 15 and 17.

I have found that staying busy - being active, is the main way that I keep my grief from totally consuming me. I think I learned this from my mother because she had to get busy right away in making sure that she had a job so she could put food on the table and make sure she could pay the rest of the bills.

Please, please, please rate and review the show in iTunes: they don't make it easy - you have to search for "Dealing With My Grief" in the Podcast app, then click the podcast link at the bottom of the results page - then you'll see the button to rate or review the show. Thanks, I really appreciate it!! Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Episode 17 - Moving Forward vs. Getting Over Grief

May 19, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Getting over grief and moving forward from grief are mutually exclusive.

Sorry this episode is a day late, but this virus that has been going around has been kicking my but... I finally found 25 minutes or so when I wasn't coughing to finish this episode...

At some point after your loss, you have to begin to move forward - this means you have to begin to re-establish some routine in your life. That could be going back to school or work, or getting back into the workforce after not working for a very long time. Maybe its getting back into a hobby.

What I have learned is that life goes on after loss. I learned this from my mother. She never once wavered from her stance that we would be OK and we would make it through our tragedy. This doesn't mean that we weren't sad or still grieving, it just meant that she had to do what she needed to do to assume becoming the head of the household.

You can still grieve, but at some point we must learn how to move forward.

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 16 - Comforting Other Grievers

May 19, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

What can i do to help others that are grieving?

One of my best friends just lost his wife unexpectedly.

I often ask myself what I can do to help those who are grieving. I tend not to to the cliche things such as food and flowers. Sometimes the best thing that I can offer is a listening ear.

Ways to subscribe to Dealing With My Grief:

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 15 - Games and Grief

May 05, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

How did a simple game help me deal with my father's death?

Shortly after my father died, I was introduced to the game of chess. Any one who knows me, knows that I am passionate about this game... but they may not know why.

It is through playing chess that I was able to connect with friends of my father and learn more about the man that he was. It also provided me some "me" time away from my friends

This brings me some sense of comfort.

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Episode 14 - Applying What I've Learned From Grief

May 05, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Why did it take losing my Grandfather to realize this important lesson?

After the death on my father, my grandfather would become the central male figure in my life.

He would be diagnosed with diabetes and later cancer and I would take great pride in helping to care for him. When it was time for me to head off to college, I would decide to head to the east coast - against my grandfather's wishes.

We would have the only argument ever to take place between us and I would wait to late to make amends. Before I could return home to talk to him in person, he would be gone.

What did I learn from this experience?

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 13 - The Anniversary of My Grief

April 20, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

How do I handle the anniversary of my father's death?

The week and a half between April 14 - April 25 is a very painful and often stressful time for me:

My father's birthday is April 14. He would be 81 this year

My father died on April 24. This marks the 38 anniversary of his death.

May parents wedding anniversary is April 25. This year marks their 52nd anniversary.

In an attempt to keep things from getting totally out of hand, I try to remember some good times with my father... which does bring me some joy and comfort.

Link to Hawaii Five-0 original theme song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w

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Contact me using the following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 11 - Grief and Revenge

April 07, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Do I want revenge against the person who murdered my father?

The man convicted of murdering my father was the first person to receive the death penalty after Missouri re-instituted capital punishment in 1977. His penalty was later overturned and her received life without the possibility of parole for 50 years.

How do my personal feelings and religious beliefs factor into whether or not I think he should be put to death for his crime.

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 10 - Is There a Relationship Between Grief and Addiction

March 30, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Is it possible to be addicted to grief?

How are grief and addiction similar... how do they differ? I find that even though each may be caused by some difficult experience that we face in life, at least I have the ability to overcome my addiction. I don't think the same can be said for grief.

Psychology Today's definition of addiction - https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 9 - My Grief and My Mom

March 23, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

How did my father's death affect my relationship with my mother?

My father was my entire world as a child. Wherever he went I wanted to go with him. It seems as if I was always by his side.

Once he died, my mother became the central figure in my life and would instill in me core values that I carry with me to this very day. she would sacrifice all that was important to here to make sure I would have everything that I needed, And she'd always make herself available to me no matter what the circumstance.

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 8 - 28 Minutes From Grief

March 21, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Was I 28 minutes from grief... or my own death?

I have often wondered what would have happened if my mother and I had stayed at my parents store for an additional 15-20 minutes. Would we all be alive, or would we all have perished that night.

It is a question that consumed me for a long time. Eventually, I just had to let it go.

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If you have any questions or feedback, I'd like to hear from you:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com
twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief
web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 7 - High School and Grief

March 09, 2016 by Darwyn Dave

Did grieving the loss of my father make high school more difficult than it had to be?

Even though I had an uncle and my grandfather who would become the male role modes in my life after my father passed, I did not ask them to accompany me to any of the father/son events at my high school. My reasoning was simple... they were not my father.

Grieving the loss of my father - some 4 years after he died, blinded me from reaching out to the two men that could have helped me the most during arguably the most trying four years of my life.

Your are encouraged to leave feedback:

    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)