Episode 107 - Suicide and Grief... A Conversation with Sebastian Slovin

Sebastian Slovin

Today I have the honor of speaking with someone about loss as a result of suicide...

Sebastian Slovin grew up in La Jolla, California and traveled extensively as a professional bodyboarder. As a young boy, Sebastian lost his father to suicide, which would later deeply inspire his path in life. He holds a BA in Environmental Policy from San Diego State University and an MA in Leadership Studies from the University of San Diego. He and his wife, Sonya, founded Nature Unplugged, which focuses on cultivating wellness through healthier relationships with technology and a deeper connection to nature. He's recently launched a memoir, Ashes in the Ocean, a reflection about living through and learning from his father’s suicide. When he is not writing or working on Nature Unplugged, Sebastian enjoys swimming, bodysurfing, surfing, and stand-up paddling (and pretty much all things) in the wild Pacific Ocean.

 When he is not writing or working on Nature Unplugged, Sebastian enjoys swimming, bodysurfing, surfing, and stand-up paddling (and pretty much all things) in the wild Pacific Ocean.

Link to Ashes in the Ocean: https://amzn.to/2q4F0LC

Connect with Sebastian:

Web: https://www.sebastianslovin.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SebastianSlovinAuthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sebastianslovin
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sebastianslovin
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sebastianslovin

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 106 - Grief and the Power of Friends

Before I get started, I have an announcement...

Dealing With My Grief is now an award winning podcast!! It won a Silver Award in the Podcasting category at DC Web Fest (dcwebfest.org) held on April 6-7, 2018.

Thank you for the recognition... the voices of those struggling with and persevering through grief are being heard!

Thanks to Oren Levine for the music and Will Friday for the cover art. And a special thanks to my family who put up with my need for quiet will producing the show.

Now on to the main content for the week!

My friends were one of the few things in my life that was "normal" after my father died, and really didn't put me through any peer pressure groing up as a teen. This really allowed my to focus one ways to begin to move through my expiences and just live like everyone else!

  Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

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Episode 105 - Unresolved Grief... A Conversation with Dave Jackson

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Dave Jackson is the host of School of Podcasting and was the inspiration behind me using podcasting as the medium of getting my grief story out into the world. The thing that drew me to Dave is the fact that talk a lot about his personal life and how lessons he has learned in life, especially from his mother can be applied to podcasting... as well as other podcast topics that he entertains.

In this episode we talk about his parents, specifically his mother and how he has, or hasn't dealt with her loss.

Links to Dave's podcast and other stuff

Dave's website: https://schoolofpodcasting.com/
Dave's sermon about his mother: http://betterdave.com/what-my-mother-meant-to-me-the-original-building-a-better-dave/

After you listen to this, you'll realize that there is no magic recipe and no time table for coping\recovering from grief. Some people simply get through it by suppressing it for as long as they can.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 104 - The Secret to My Grief Recovery Process

Repetition is the mother of learning...

In this regard, what I say this week is something I have said in different episodes of this podcast at some point in time.

Grief isn't something you get over, you get through it. In coping with my own loss, I have found that facing my demons and looking at life with a different perspective have allowed my to come through my greif experience a better person.

  Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 103 - Using Yoga, Therapy and Friends to Navigate Grief with Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan is a documentary film producer who lost her mother suddenly in 2015 as the result of a car accident. In this episode she discusses dealing with not only her mother's death, but also it's aftermath... managing her mother's estate, fending of lawsuits, as well as keeping family members at bay.

Yoga, therapy and friends would play a big part in helping Erin manage daily life after suffering her loss.

Links to Erin's work:

Erin's website: http://erindonovan.com/
Medium: 11 People You Meet in Hell
Modern Loss: My Mom's Violent Death Gave Me PTSD

I really enjoyed our talk. It was refreshing to hear someone else use their loss as a means of removing stress for other aspects of life. Also, good friends show up when you need them most.

  Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 102 - A Grief Conversation with Myself

Last week I had no internet so as a bonus, I posted an interview for the Coming Back podcast. Shelby forsythia has me as a guest on her show and we has a great time talking about perspective, chess, and photo albums!

Check out our conversation here:

http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/podcast/38

This week I reflect on things I would say from the perspective of a 50 year old. Knowing what I know now, my 10 year old self would have a few things to say as well!

What are some things that you would tell yourself looking boack at your grief?

 Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 101 - A Grief Shaming Conversation with Sheaya Biddle

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Sheaya Biddle is a former (and maybe soon to be) podcaster, future author and creator of the Facebook group 'Grief Resilience'. The group stresses positivity in the face of copy with grief and loss.

This week I discus the loss of Sheaya's mother and the grief shaming that ensued and how she was able to cope with that by having close friends and building community.

Join Sheaya's Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/griefresilience/

Brene Brown: Listening to Shame
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame#t-578054

 Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 100 - Does Breakdown Within the Village Lead to Grief

100 episodes should be cause for celebration, but unfortunately a tragedy was unfolding in a Florida high school shortly after I released my previous episode of this podcast.

The question I ask myself is, "Why did this young man commit this crime?"

My conclusions may be a little surprising.

 Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 99 - Stop Telling People to Get Over Their Grief

I've had it this week.

In Reddit, Facebook, other podcasts... I've heard people tell others that they should be over their grief.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE! PERIOD.

I'ms still so upset, I cam barely type.

Grief isn't something that you get over. You have to learn the deal with the emotions the you get hit with as you go through life as you are constantly reminded that you must live without someone you love dearly.

 Subscribe to this podcast by using ony of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 98 - A Grief Conversation with Shelby Forsythia

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Shelby Forsythia is an Intuitive Grief Guide and host of the podcast Coming Back: Conversations on life after loss. After her mom’s death in 2013, she became what she calls a “student of grief” and now writes, speaks, and teaches others about the transformational power of grief and loss. Shelby is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® and Reiki Practitioner.

This week I had an opportunity to speak with Shelby about how the loss of her mother eventually led to her helping others deal with grief. 

Find Shelby online:

 Subscribe to this podcast by using ony of the following:

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 97 - Does Grief/Death Come in 3's

When I was 10, I lost my grandfather, dad, and an uncle in an 8-10 month time span.

About 3 years later I heard the phrase "Death comes in threes" for the first time. Then in August/September of 1985 it happened again: my grandmother, grandfather and an aunt... followed by the death of a cousin in early 1986.

 

I used to spend a lot of time following the death of a loved one trying to figure out who was next.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 96 - Introducing Children to Grief

Thanks to the kind words obout last week's interview with my mo.... I appreciate the positive feedback.

A listener asked about how we can talk to kids about grief. Her first experience was a negative one because no set any type of expectations around the funeral ritual in her family.

I believe this stems from society changing from dealing with caring for the sick and dying to at home to the Civil War and the assassination of Abraham Lincoln ushering in the acceptance of embalming. Advancements in medicine and medical technology in later year would make hospitals and nursing home the leading locations for people to die. This would remove the personal touch and connection we have with the dying.

To prepare for death a death experience I think we need to help children deal with loss or at least sadness early in life to help them develop coping skills to deal with tough situations. When they have questions, we need to make sure we answer there questions in an age appropriate manner. If they don't ask questions we need to check in with them and gauge how we might best be able to help them.

Links used to research this episode:

National Home Funeral Alliance: What you need to no for requirements for conducting your own funeral/memorial, and if/when you need to consult a funeral director

HuffingtonPost: Personal stories of the journey to have a more personal do it yourself funeral.

If you are so inclined to share your story of loss, please email me at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 95 - My Grief Podversary and A Conversation with my Mom

Two years ago I sat down and pressed record for the first time. I had no idea if anyone would listen and where this journey would take me. Many people thought this topic was either too sensitive to discuss or was just too much of a downer.

I could not be more pleased to prove the naysayers wrong. I found that many others where going through the same pain that I was and it was then that I thought about giving others a voice on this podcast. It started in Episode 55 with Joshua Black from the Grief Dreams podcast and will become a regular feature on this show.

I wanted to start this 3rd year with a conversation with the person who sacrificed all to make sure that I would be OK after my dad's death... my mom.

We had a great conversation... here is part of that sit down.

If you are so inclined to share your story of loss, please email me at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 94 - Gun Contol and Grief

I have often been asked how I feel about the subject of gun control. Many people thing that I am anti-gun because my father was murdered by someone with a shotgun.

This week I look at what or who really took the life of my father and how we might truly get away fro all the senseless killing that is running rampant in the States.

Look for a Youtube channel in the near future and email me (darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com) if you'd like to share your story of loss on the show.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 93 - Grief and My 2018 New Year's Resolution

Life has continued to punch me in the gut in the month of December. It didn't help that I sabotaged what was this week supposed to be the interview with my mon by not saving the edited version.

I have also had to continuously deal with personal issues in my life.

My resolution for 2018 is to simply go where life takes me - for better or worse

Just some general housekeeping:

Look for a Youtube channel in the near future and email me (darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com) if you'd like to share your story of loss on the show.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 92 - Grief and My Mental Headspace

I've been MIA (missing in action) for a few weeks because I needed to  take care of a few things back in St. Louis. I didn't have the time it would take to keep up my regular production schedule.

One thing that weighed heavily on my mind was the last conversation I had with my grandfather. He didn't want me to leave home and attend school half way across the country. I told him I'd only be gone for school, but he was still adamant that I should stay home.

I didn't have an opportunity to make things right between us as he died two weeks after I left home... I haven't spent more than a summer in St. Louis since I left for school. That was over 30 years ago.

While I have been tending to some of my mother's needs after a recent hospitalization this final conversation between my grandfather and me has been replying over and over in my mind.

On another note - I did sit down and record a conversation with my mother but did not have time to edit it for this week's show. Look for it next week.

If you have an opportunity, talk to a loved one and record it. You might be thankful you did a few years from now!

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 91 - Processing Lessons vs Getting Answers in Grief

No music this week as I'm on the road visiting family for the Thanksgiving holiday (which is why there was no episode last week).

I had the opportunity to pick up some new podcasting gear on Black Friday in the form of two new microphones that' i'm going to use to interview my mother this week and I'm testing them out today.

Anyway, that got me thinking about mu technology background and how I used to teach Microsoft certification classes. Some students only wanted to know what information was covered on the certification exam while other students what to actually learn the products being covered in class.

As I think about how I a reacted to the loss of my father and others in my life, I realize I should have been focused on the lessons grief teaches us and not the answers to the questions that I had/have surrounding loss.

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 90 - Finding Forgiveness In Grief

After scrolling through the Facebook group and attending a podcasting conference. I was forced to reflect on the aspect of forgiving someone who has committed the most horrible act imaginable - killing my father.

I was filled with every emotion possible for the first few years after my father's death... hate, anger, revenge, etc. But at some point I realized that I had to do one thing to begin letting go of these feelings that I had. I had to forgive that person that killed my father.

How was this even possible when he never expressed remorse for what he had done.

Other related podcast I discovered in the past week:

Good Grief Podcast - http://www.goodgriefpodcast.com/episodes/

Is this Adulting? (More about mental health than grief, but very beneficial) - http://www.goodgriefpodcast.com/episodes/

This week's call to action: LAs you prepare for Thanksgiving here in the states, continue to think about how to incoporate your loved on into the holiday. Leave me a voicemail at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 89 - The Mathematics of Grief

Math was always my favorite subject in school. My first memories of my father are of him teaching me to count money. I quickly learned my multiplication tables this way as well.

The subject has come easy for me ever since, I took some form of math every year in school - including college! Why it is not a grief trigger for me I don't know.

There are some things, however, that that remind me of my grief recovery process: repeating decimals and pi just to name a few.

I have to focus on a journey that seemingly will never end and try somehow to king implementing my coping skills at life's every turn.

This week's call to action: Let me know how you are going to incorporate your loved one's into your Thanksgiving celebration. Will you have a special meal, go to a certain place, etc/ :eave me a voice mail at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 88 - The Miscommunication of Grief

This past week, one of the members in the Facebook group communicated that people still questions why she is still grieving a loss from 10 years ago.

I personally believe that certain societal queues tend to lead people to think that we are at certain points in our grief recovery process and we are OK in our grief.

This week's call to action: Let me know how you are going to incorporate your loved one's into your Thanksgiving celebration. Will you have a special meal, go to a certain place, etc/ :eave me a voice mail at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)