Episode 119 - Grief and My Two Front Teeth

This episode in dedicated to the memory of my cousin, Chris.

Last week Facebook brought up a memory in the form of a picture of me with chipped teeth when I was about 12 or 13. I had chipped my teeth playing a game with my friends.

The pain of the fall I took didn't last long but eating or drinking was difficult to say the least as I would get a crazy sensation that would run through my mouth.

Dealing with this grief is much like that pain I felt. Much like I had to endure some pain in order to eat, I could develop some strategies to make it hurt less. I had to do the same thing with my grief... develop strategies to help the loss hurt less while realizing it wouldn't completely go away.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 118 - The Bare Essentials of Grief

No into/outro music today... Just the bare bone basics to produce this podcast.

Why?... Because a listener wanted to know how to get back to "normal" after grief. What is the new structure of life or their day going to look like.

Sometimes we don't need to put on the window dressing to mask how we feel in our grief. It's not essential to who we are and how we really feel. So I used no music in the podcast today to illustrate that point. While the structure of the podcast is different. the overall message is the same. In grief we feel pain regardless of what face we wear in public our how bubbly we attempt to sound when dealing with others.

We don't always need to fit into some one else's expectation of who we should become after our grief.

Just be you... whomever, you are in your grief. Just remember to take time to take care of yourself. Even if you take care of other's physical needs, work on your emotional needs first before reaching out to others... you can't help others if you dont't help yourself first.

Question... How do you feel whem people tell you you look like your deceased loved one. I often want to tell people this but I don't know how it would make them feel. Send me an email at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com or leave me a voicemail at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Finally, the podcast as been listed as one of 6 podcasts to help you cope with grief by AK Lander. You can check out the entire list here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/6-grief-podcasts-to-help-you-cope-with-loss

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 117 - Grief and Gumbo, A Conversation with Ellen Threatts

Ellen Threatts is the author of Four Seasons of Love and Grief. A native of Youngsville, LA Ms. Threatts works, volunteers, plays and writes about community, life, loss, healing and loving those around. While working with those who suffer from mental health issues compassion and servitude cemented the idea of her creating a non-profit for grieving adults and children. While still in its early stages pairing the soles of the feet, the soul of healing hearts surrounded by nature’s landscape will keep Ms. Threatts active and engaged.

In our conversation, Ellen speaks about using writing, hiking, church, and memories oh her husband Troy as the ingredients to her grief recovery "gumbo".

Question... How do you feel whem people tell you you look like your deceased loved one. I often want to tell people this but I don't know how it would make them feel. Send me an email at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com or leave me a voicemail at http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

 

Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 116 - Religion and Finding Lessons/Meaning in Grief

Special Announcement:

You can now support the show by shopping on Amazon with this link:

https://amzn.to/2JM5LjT

Dealing With My Grief  is now an Amazon associate and as an associate I earn from purchases you make on Amazon. You pay nothing extra ... just shop on Amazon by using the above link. The small commission I receive will help fund the show! Thank you!!!

In other breaking news, I'm now on instagram at: https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Please follow me for inspirational quotes and thoughts. Thank you.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

I have noticed a theme in a lot of the spaces that I visit where denying a belief in God is rooted in the fact that the god you believe in wouldn't allow your loved one to die when and/or how they did.

Our parents attenpt to teach us things that we may not understand until later in life. We don't understand it at the time or we may me confused in term of what we are to receive from the lesson, but at some point we understand the value in the lesson itself. We at this point have an "Ah ha" moment of clarity in its understanding.

Why can we not do the same thing when it comes to God an our religious/spiritual beliefs? After all there are a lot of us that only turn to God when we need/want something and will only appreciate it if it is manifested in the manner that we see fit. But where are we when we need to show gratitude for the things that we have?

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwtdhWltSIg

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 115 - Permission to Grieve, A Conversation with Bri Seeley

Bri Seeley Headshot.png

Special Announcement:

You can now support the show by shopping on Amazon with this link:

https://amzn.to/2JM5LjT

Dealing With My Grief  is now an Amazon associate and as an associate I earn from purchases you make on Amazon. You pay nothing extra ... just shop on Amazon by using the above link. The small commission I receive will help fund the show! Thank you!!!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

Bri Seeley is a born catalyst and natural truth-teller with a history in counseling, psychology and entrepreneurship. Despite her two degree’s in fashion design, she was unknowingly taken down the path of healing and transforming lives through a series of “accidents,” “coincidences” and divine guidance. She combines personal experience, psychological concepts, hypnotherapy and Universal Laws with over a decade of coaching and counseling expertise to support people in turning their lives of ‘should’ into the lives they’ve always dreamed of. Her specialty is truly helping people accelerate their destiny and become their future selves today.

Bri talks candidly about the trauma caused by the actions of her father in her life and his suicide. The fact that they had become estranged led her to believe she didn't have to grieve his loss.

She later realized she needed to confront his loss in order to carry on in other aspects of her life

Connect with Bri here: https://www.briseeley.com/

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 114 - Relections of Dad: Past, Present, and Future - With Joshua Black and Shawn Ram

Special Announcement:

You can now support the show by shopping on Amazon with this link:

https://amzn.to/2JM5LjT

Dealing With My Grief  is now an Amazon associate and as an associate I earn from purchases you make on Amazon. You pay nothing extra ... just shop on Amazon by using the above link. The small commission I receive will help fund the show! Thank you!!!

Now back to our regular program:

Sometimes it's nice to reflect on the milestones we reach with grief. Today I sit down and discuss memories of my dad with the guys from the Grief Dreams podcast.

Last year I did a special Father's Day episode with Joshua Black and Shawn Ram of the Grief Dreams podcast (griefdreams.ca) and it turned out so nice that I wanted to do it again.

Joshua is researching grief dreams as a PhD. student at Brock University in Ontario, Canada his co-host Shawn walks us through the deaths of our fathers and how we've handled, or plan to handle our losses in the future.

It was nice to chat and get a different perspective on how people deal with their grief journey and maybe store some of their techniques in coping with grief away just in case you need to try something new along your grief journey.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 113 - Grief Is Like a Fine Wine

My grandfather loved 3 things; dying eggs at Easter, making ice cream, and making wine. A few years ago I decided I would stasrt making wine using some of his recipes.

While my mother was here, I decided I'd start a batch of wine using one of his recipes with her help. It was a great time together. We shared fond memories of him while doing something that he loved to do!

Then as I often do, I started to ask myself. "How, if at all, does this relate to grief?"

Greif is like the empty bucked that we start out with in the wine making process. It's empty... lile we might be when we first lose someone, EMPTY inside. But we know that from that we'd like to end up with something that is as close to a "normal" life as possible. From that bucket we want to turn that emptiness into wine!

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 112 - Grief, Triage, and Life

I didn't get an opportunity to record an episode last weekend... After going through a week where I lost my ATM card and went through hell to get home from a simple surprise trip on Mother's Day, I had a tree branch fall through - yes through the roof of my house! Trying to get that fixed and prepare for my mother's visit - coupled with the loss of electricity for several hours just didn't afford me the time th get the podcast done.

While I strive to get an episode out every week this week for my own sanity I need to triage my life, and the podcast was the casualty. I needed to take care of ME first last week and I had to decide on the one thing wouldn't get done... I'm okay with that choice, after all, family comes first!

Thanks also to everyone who sent in feedback on the question about leaving deceased people in your contacts! I'll have to ask thought provoking questions more often!

Here is a George Carlin standup routine on the subject: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=miY0QSgtfq4

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 111 - Grief is Exhausting

This past weekend, I surprised my mother for Mother's Day on what was supposed to be a very short mainly uneventful weekend.

However, trying to get back to DC turned out to be nightmarish:

  1. I had to fix a lock I inadvertently broke
  2. My debit card got eaten by an ATM machine
  3. My flight got cancelled - TWICE - and delayed TWICE!

After finally getting on a plane 28 hours after I was originally scheduled I was exhausted to say the least... Then I realized life, like grief can sometimes be exhausting! How you deal with it makes all the difference in the world.

Also please continue to send feedback on what you do with the contact information of your decesed loved ones... do you delete them from you phone, email, social media - or do you keep them? Why do you d what you do? I'll share my finding on the May 23 episode of the show. Send me an email at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com.

Here is a link to last weeks episode: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/podcast/episode-110

Finally, congratulations to fellow podcaster and previous guest Shelby Forsythia, host of the 'Coming Back' podcast. Her podcast is now officially on year old!You can check out her podcast at http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/comingback/

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 110 - Grief and My Cell Phone

As I look through my phone, I have come across the names of 3 individuals who've died... one as long as 10 years ago! But no matter how hard I've tried, I can't bring it upon myself to delete their contact information from my phone.

I know they aren't coming back... I've watched them be burried. I'v been to their homes and kne that they aren't on this earth any longer!

I just don't know why there is a certain finality to removing theme from my contact list, especially when I have other things to remember them by!

Do you have contacts of you deceased loved ones still on your phone? If so, why? Send me an email at darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com and let me know who they are and why you keep them on the list.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 109 - Basketball, Grief, and a Lost Bet

Sometimes I have to pay what I owe... I lost a bet to my Canadian friends from the Grief Dreams podcast (griefdreams.ca) and now I have to pay up!

We had a bet on the first round NBA basketball playoff series between the Washington Wizards and Toronto Raptors. Whoever's team lost team lost would have to congratulate the other team on their victory in their podcast. And now I must do just that...

Congratulations to the Toronto Raptors!

Now there, I've done it and it's over.

I had a chat with the guys from that podcast and they wanted to know if I could come up with an episode about grief and basketball. I was hesitant at first - and them I realized that I could probably relate any topic to grief. So here is my comparison between grief and basketball...

Sometimes things don't always go you your way. In those instances you have to find a way to go other thing (sometimes what people call the little things) to help yourself win. If you can seem to make shots, play better defense. In grief, if you can't seem to get out of the funk that is brought by grief. Try to do something different than you're doing already to try to take care of your self. It may take some time but eventually you'll find a winning combination.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 108 - 40 Years of Grief... Not Quite What I Expected

April 24, 2018 marks the 40th anniversary of my dad's death... April 25 would have been my parents 54th wedding anniversary.

I thought today would be a very painful one for me. But the words of a priest honoring someone else's loved one would touch me in ways that I couldn't imagine. His words took the sting out of the pain.

I decided to homer my dad by hosting a Facebook live event in the Grief Resilience group where people could talk on and speak about their loved one if only for a minute to honor them and keep there memories alive! It was a great time and an amazing space. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.

While I do hurt, the sting from his loss  hurts a little less this year, all because of the king words of a pastor and the community of others who are grieving!

Dad, I love you and I miss you everyday.

Thanks to all those who reached out to me to checkl on my this month... it is greatly appreciated. And a special thanks to those who choose to share their own stories as a means of fighting through their grief and in some small way helping others.

I love you all.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 107 - Suicide and Grief... A Conversation with Sebastian Slovin

Sebastian Slovin

Today I have the honor of speaking with someone about loss as a result of suicide...

Sebastian Slovin grew up in La Jolla, California and traveled extensively as a professional bodyboarder. As a young boy, Sebastian lost his father to suicide, which would later deeply inspire his path in life. He holds a BA in Environmental Policy from San Diego State University and an MA in Leadership Studies from the University of San Diego. He and his wife, Sonya, founded Nature Unplugged, which focuses on cultivating wellness through healthier relationships with technology and a deeper connection to nature. He's recently launched a memoir, Ashes in the Ocean, a reflection about living through and learning from his father’s suicide. When he is not writing or working on Nature Unplugged, Sebastian enjoys swimming, bodysurfing, surfing, and stand-up paddling (and pretty much all things) in the wild Pacific Ocean.

 When he is not writing or working on Nature Unplugged, Sebastian enjoys swimming, bodysurfing, surfing, and stand-up paddling (and pretty much all things) in the wild Pacific Ocean.

Link to Ashes in the Ocean: https://amzn.to/2q4F0LC

Connect with Sebastian:

Web: https://www.sebastianslovin.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SebastianSlovinAuthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sebastianslovin
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sebastianslovin
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sebastianslovin

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email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 106 - Grief and the Power of Friends

Before I get started, I have an announcement...

Dealing With My Grief is now an award winning podcast!! It won a Silver Award in the Podcasting category at DC Web Fest (dcwebfest.org) held on April 6-7, 2018.

Thank you for the recognition... the voices of those struggling with and persevering through grief are being heard!

Thanks to Oren Levine for the music and Will Friday for the cover art. And a special thanks to my family who put up with my need for quiet will producing the show.

Now on to the main content for the week!

My friends were one of the few things in my life that was "normal" after my father died, and really didn't put me through any peer pressure groing up as a teen. This really allowed my to focus one ways to begin to move through my expiences and just live like everyone else!

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

DCWF-2018-Silver-Podcast.png

Episode 105 - Unresolved Grief... A Conversation with Dave Jackson

djackson-squareheadshot.jpg

Dave Jackson is the host of School of Podcasting and was the inspiration behind me using podcasting as the medium of getting my grief story out into the world. The thing that drew me to Dave is the fact that he talks a lot about his personal life and how lessons he has learned in life, especially from his mother can be applied to podcasting... as well as other podcast topics that he entertains.

In this episode we talk about his parents, specifically his mother and how he has, or hasn't dealt with her loss.

Links to Dave's podcast and other stuff

Dave's website: https://schoolofpodcasting.com/
Dave's sermon about his mother: http://betterdave.com/what-my-mother-meant-to-me-the-original-building-a-better-dave/

After you listen to this, you'll realize that there is no magic recipe and no time table for coping\recovering from grief. Some people simply get through it by suppressing it for as long as they can.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 104 - The Secret to My Grief Recovery Process

Repetition is the mother of learning...

In this regard, what I say this week is something I have said in different episodes of this podcast at some point in time.

Grief isn't something you get over, you get through it. In coping with my own loss, I have found that facing my demons and looking at life with a different perspective have allowed my to come through my greif experience a better person.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 103 - Using Yoga, Therapy and Friends to Navigate Grief with Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan is a documentary film producer who lost her mother suddenly in 2015 as the result of a car accident. In this episode she discusses dealing with not only her mother's death, but also it's aftermath... managing her mother's estate, fending of lawsuits, as well as keeping family members at bay.

Yoga, therapy and friends would play a big part in helping Erin manage daily life after suffering her loss.

Links to Erin's work:

Erin's website: http://erindonovan.com/
Medium: 11 People You Meet in Hell
Modern Loss: My Mom's Violent Death Gave Me PTSD

I really enjoyed our talk. It was refreshing to hear someone else use their loss as a means of removing stress for other aspects of life. Also, good friends show up when you need them most.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 102 - A Grief Conversation with Myself

Last week I had no internet so as a bonus, I posted an interview for the Coming Back podcast. Shelby forsythia has me as a guest on her show and we has a great time talking about perspective, chess, and photo albums!

Check out our conversation here:

http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/podcast/38

This week I reflect on things I would say from the perspective of a 50 year old. Knowing what I know now, my 10 year old self would have a few things to say as well!

What are some things that you would tell yourself looking boack at your grief?

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 101 - A Grief Shaming Conversation with Sheaya Biddle

Sheaya Biddle.JPG

Sheaya Biddle is a former (and maybe soon to be) podcaster, future author and creator of the Facebook group 'Grief Resilience'. The group stresses positivity in the face of copy with grief and loss.

This week I discus the loss of Sheaya's mother and the grief shaming that ensued and how she was able to cope with that by having close friends and building community.

Join Sheaya's Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/griefresilience/

Brene Brown: Listening to Shame
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame#t-578054

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 100 - Does Breakdown Within the Village Lead to Grief

100 episodes should be cause for celebration, but unfortunately a tragedy was unfolding in a Florida high school shortly after I released my previous episode of this podcast.

The question I ask myself is, "Why did this young man commit this crime?"

My conclusions may be a little surprising.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)