Dealing With My Grief

Why did my mother give me my name.... Darwyn?

Last week I talked about change... change while going through the changes that grief brings.

This week is about the evolution of grief... how my grief has evolved and how I have evolved (or maybe not) around it.

I used to be angry, lost, confused in the immediate days and years following my dad's death.

Somehow, somewhere I found the act of forgiveness which allowed me to release the anger and begin to have some sort of inner peace. I used to believe that some people are crazy or are monsters and just want to hurt people.

I believe now that there is a reason why most people do what they do, even the bad things and we don't want to take the time figure out or to understand why.

I've changed my thoughts on knowing why my father was killed.
I now have this burning sensation to sit down with one or more of the people who committed this murder and simply ask, "Why?" I know I'll never get ananswer that justifies the reason.

While I have evolved in some respects, in others I have not. I still ignore the signs that people give right before they die.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher said, “Change is the only constant in life.”

As I publish this episode I realize that not only is change constant, but I have no control over how or even when it affects me. Change for as much as it can be welcomed and good when we know that something good is coming can be so dreadful when the unexpected bad thing s happen.

Even when we know that bad things are going to occur I sometime ignore the signs talking myself out of how much I will be impacted by the change the is coming.

While I don't like it most times... I have to learn to embrace change regardless when it happens... good or bad.